Okay, here it is late on Friday night, with nothing really else to do besides listen to music and write some thoughts down for some lost soul to read for their endless pleasure.
I am not quite sure what causes the need for us to feel as if we need to share our feelings or struggles with one another. I guess you could just say that is how God made us, but that would be the easy way out. I think I addressed this issue somewhat on one of my earlier posts, but that was then, and this is the now. Yes I realize that we are social beings of one sort or another and the results have been made when one is driven to seclusion. The effect is not normally a pleasant one. It is made to be a high punishment for prisoners, and the people who figured that out did not think to highly of it, I can tell you that much. Then I look at myself think. I am not a total recluse; I will go and talk with friends, but only if the situation demands no extra effort on my part. Then I realize that I have to make an attempt to accommodate others. If I only keep saying no when friends invite me to do something, after a while, they will not even bother to ask if I want to do anything with them, for they know that the answer is going to be. And I am not sure of this, but most of the people I would call friends have very big hearts. They are (I am completely assuming here, do not take this personally any of you) kind of bummed that am not willing to go with them. I am sure they do not think I am thinking I am too good for them or anything (I am not good enough for anybody willing to name me friend, don’t worry) but the constant rejecting on my part has to get them feeling a little different towards me. That is all an assumption; please do not think I am naming anybody out there, that is just how I view myself. And on myself, I know I have to make an attempt to get out there and ‘hang’ with my friends. I know for a fact that I do not really want to be known as a recluse, but I know that if I keep doing what I am doing, that is exactly how I am going to end up. And yes, I realize that this is all very selfish, but I am also trying to think of other people. Not that they need my companionship or anything (I know they do not) but I have to make the effort on trying to be somewhat friendly.
I am a Christian after all, and I know that if I ever get out there in a public place to ‘hang out’ I will come into some for of contact with somebody that is not a Christian. And if they see me sulking around, looking like I am out here for no other reason than to be miserable, then they will probably think ‘what is the point of being a Christian if all they do is that?’ I know that is a far fetched scenario, but I know that I need to put up a good face not only for myself, but for God as well.
Today is the perfect example. I was invited to go to a party. I would not really call it a party, just a get together with friends. The girl who invited me exemplifies nothing but kindness, but I did not say I would go. I did not say anything. I know that I was not even close to being the life of the party, even if I did go. In fact, I probably would have stayed in a corner for most of the time, not really concerning myself with others. But what if she was expecting me in any way? Then I have let her down and disappointed her. That is something I do like happening, especially to people I know and meet with on a regular basis. As mentioned, this is the prime example of what I do not want to happen.
The above passages would just have given you a look into myself. This is me just thinking and typing. Social Interaction is something I realize I have to work on. Then there is the whole discussion of how important that very topic is.
If you read all of that, I am sorry you burdened yourself with my troubling thoughts. I just felt that I should share that part of myself with the world at large, for some strange reason.
Es de Meus
No comments:
Post a Comment